Vegeto saves the city

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Vegeto saves the city

Post  Vegeto on Thu Jul 15, 2010 3:51 pm

Vegeto was training. HE wanted to get stronger he then tried to shoot a ki blast but failed. Vegeto was the son of an elite saiyan .suddenly an explosion was caused. Vegeto ran to the scene. He saw a man shooting beams everywhere. What are you doing" Vegeto asked the man calmly. I'm drinking tea. What does do like I'm doing now scram" the man said. No I won't let you do that"Vegeto said .Vegeto then quickly powered up and punched the guy in the face then threw him. What do you think your doing" the man asked. Stopping you" Vegeto said powering up. Very well" The man said and flew to Vegeto. Vegeto grabbed the guy by the leg then threw him. The guy recovered and punched Vegeto in the stomach then threw him and shot a beam at him. Vegeto recovered and dodged the beam but it got him a little on his left arm. This is gettting bad I have to get it right" Vegeto said. He then shot a ki blast. Yes I did it" Vegeto said . He then kicked him in the chin then punched him in the jaw. Vegeto then powered up to 75% of his power. The man charged at Vegeto shooting beams at him. Vegeto charged at him and avoided some but then got hit by more. He then got angry and used all of his power. He could sense all the people hiding this made him even angrier. His power reached its peak. He charged at the man. Punching him in the stomach then kicking him in the back of the neck. Vegeto then throw him to a building. Luckily there was no people there. Sudddenly some stronger saiyans came. We'll take it from here Vegeto" One said. Vegeto then laughed

Technique learned: ki blast

Wc:302

Zeny: 150
PL: 40
Str:10
Agi:10
End:10
Spr:10


Last edited by Vegeto on Wed Jul 28, 2010 5:52 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Korn✔ on Tue Jul 20, 2010 3:14 am

((Canon? +It seems like he is a robot: "He saw a man shooting beams everywhere. Vegeto quickly powered up and punched the guy in the face then threw him"
Like, is that a valid response to the situation?))
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Vegeto on Tue Jul 20, 2010 8:39 am

edtited
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Aurzel on Tue Jul 20, 2010 11:18 am

((can i say that this is very unrealistic seeing as vegeto's power level is incredibly low for the moment))

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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  MeredithPunk on Tue Jul 20, 2010 3:51 pm

This is alright, but you could improve on your description
And some areas need some work.
Vegeto then throw him to a building he then used all his energy in a punch that killed the man
Like what happened to the building, what were the reactions of people in the building, or were there people in the building? Try to wokr on answering a few of these next time and go into more description,
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Vegeto on Wed Jul 21, 2010 6:15 pm

edited
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  MeredithPunk on Wed Jul 21, 2010 8:47 pm

I still dont like this but at least your trying...
Remeber to add as much detail as possible,
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Korn✔ on Sun Jul 25, 2010 1:20 am

((Still cannon :[ ))
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Vegeto on Tue Jul 27, 2010 4:19 pm

how it canon
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Ldog2010 on Tue Jul 27, 2010 6:55 pm

Mabey it's cannon because your....VEGETO

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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Aurzel on Wed Jul 28, 2010 1:09 am

doesnt necessarily have to be the same vegeto, he just likes the name Very Happy

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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  MeredithPunk on Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:27 am

ALso just realized this is 299 words.... don't training have to be 300?
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Aurzel on Wed Jul 28, 2010 6:41 am

you're going to nit pick at one word? o.o

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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  MeredithPunk on Wed Jul 28, 2010 7:00 am

Rules are rules, they were made for a reason, we can't let anything get away, for a start this sets a bad example and secondly when is too far too far, look I wouldn't care if he was 50 words under, would you let that go, if he was 30 under would you let it go, the way I look at it, 50 under is against the rules, 30 under is against the rules, so 1 under should be against the rules, because why should people who struggle to write long posts, and keep above the 300 word mark, why should they put in and strive to make that mark, achieve it and get approved, and then the people who Im sure do put in, but dont acheive get approved, I see this as unfair no matter how many words it is, we cant let our standards or rules slip, all Im asking now is that he simply adds one more adjective or something, it's easily fixed.
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Vegeto on Sun Aug 01, 2010 7:30 pm

is this approved or not
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Ldog2010 on Sun Aug 01, 2010 9:01 pm

(( did you correct everything that they said was wrong?))

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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Vegeto on Sun Aug 01, 2010 9:25 pm

yes
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  MeredithPunk on Mon Aug 02, 2010 6:27 am

Well then it most likely is, still wait for Korn to confirm, it shouldn't be too long, stick around.
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Korn✔ on Mon Aug 02, 2010 3:34 pm

((Still canon!! And every thing I said was wrong about the writings is still there. You just added random sentences.

"HE wanted to get stronger he then tried to shoot a ki blast but failed. Vegeto was the son of an elite saiyan .suddenly an explosion was caused."

The middle sentence is just out of contex like you just threw it there. And how do you fail at shooting a Ki Blast? Did it miss? Exploded in your hand? Did you ran out of KI?

There are alot of other grammer mistakes and I can sit here and point them out all day so I suggest you give this more then 5 minutes and rewrite it one last time.

Your like doing me a favour when you fix it, choosing to ignore some of my points when you feel like it and making small progress each time.
I won't keep coming here to see you change another sentence here and there and don't put more then a few minutes in it every time, when you just replace a few words/add something while other people here work their ass off to get approved.))
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  MeredithPunk on Wed Aug 04, 2010 2:41 am

Verbally owned.
Go Korn you tell him! cheers
And may I suggest trying again in a whole new topic Vegeto, a fresh start is best for you...
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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  Aurzel on Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:54 am

and a fresh character

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Re: Vegeto saves the city

Post  MeredithPunk on Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:03 am

xD, well done on such a popular post, maybe next time it'll be for the right things,
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