Texz"A New Beggining". Pt.1

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Texz"A New Beggining". Pt.1

Post  goku jr. on Fri Jul 30, 2010 7:23 pm

On the planet Vegeta a young sayin Texz hangs around his dad."Hey dad",Texz says with excitment,"Can we train today?"His father says,"Not today son."Texz dissapointed begins to read his comics when he sees an ad about fighting.Texz though about having a job could past the time until his dad could train him how to be a real fighter like him.He takes off into the city to find an dark long ally.He walks through it to find a crowd of people.He asks a man near by what was going on?The man replied,"this is where some sayins come to fight and show off their abilities they have learned.Texz signed himself up for the next battle.His turn came up,he has no abilities yet so his opponent tries to bring him down.Texz then said,"Listen you bully,i'll beat you hear and now." The battle began.Texz new his opponent was to strong so he tried to find a weak spot.His opponent's weak spot was near his neck so texz puts all his power into the hit and knocks his opponent out and spoke,"Never underestamate someone who seems weak by apperance."The man running the fights said he would like to hire texz,and he accepted the offer.Texz then left to go back home where he then played his game Grand Theft Freezer.After 2 hours of playing,his mother told him to come eat.After eating he washes up and goes to sleep.At exactly 8:09a.m he wakes up to a ringing noise.It was the telephone and it had 1 new message.The message stated that if texz wanted to see his parents again he would have to defeat his cousin rayzouka.Rayzouka was way stronger than texz.Once they fought and texz had nearly landed a punch on him.His cousin betten him so badly that it took a month to heal from some of the injuries.Texz knew that he had to train hard to beat his cousin so he looks up masters to find the first one King kai.So he tried to find a spacepod.He had little luck because he didn't have enough money.
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Re: Texz"A New Beggining". Pt.1

Post  MeredithPunk on Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:56 pm

This scrapes above the 300 word mark, but I think it needs some deifinite work, try to describe things the best you can, slow down and take the time to think about whats happening around your character, what are everyones reactions to certain actions, expressions and emotions, also with the fight scenes, imaging the fight in your head, then try to describe it fully in text, this can be difficult and hard to grasp at first, but soon after a bit of practise it'll seem easy and natural, so you can decide to take this down and retype it, or take your chances or getting it approved, I like the storyline though, pretty creative, if you want some examples of what I mean, look at some of my posts, and you'll understand what I mean, also remember who, what, why, when, where and how, hope I could help!
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Re: Texz"A New Beggining". Pt.1

Post  Ldog2010 on Fri Jul 30, 2010 10:06 pm

MeredithPunk wrote:This scrapes above the 300 word mark, but I think it needs some deifinite work, try to describe things the best you can, slow down and take the time to think about whats happening around your character, what are everyones reactions to certain actions, expressions and emotions, also with the fight scenes, imaging the fight in your head, then try to describe it fully in text, this can be difficult and hard to grasp at first, but soon after a bit of practise it'll seem easy and natural, so you can decide to take this down and retype it, or take your chances or getting it approved, I like the storyline though, pretty creative, if you want some examples of what I mean, look at some of my posts, and you'll understand what I mean, also remember who, what, why, when, where and how, hope I could help!


What he said lol

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Re: Texz"A New Beggining". Pt.1

Post  Korn✔ on Sat Jul 31, 2010 8:51 am

((What they said^^ +Read the rules ))
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Re: Texz"A New Beggining". Pt.1

Post  Aurzel on Sat Jul 31, 2010 1:16 pm

((what he ^ said that they said, but really if you need some ideas try reading other peoples posts its a good way on picking up styles and ideas))

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